Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Blogging comment contest--everybody's doing it, why not I?

If you are really into wine, you must have heard of the MS, MW, and WSET certificate programs that teach all you need to know about the subject—I think.

Because some of us, including me, aren’t sure whether or not those few wine education programs really do the job, a small group of divorced moms who receive large alimony checks came up with a solution at one of their afternoon drunkfests; they call their endeavor the Perspicacious, Pretentious, Presumptuous School of Wine (PPP).

The women sought to bring wine education to the people, more specifically, to people like us. In other words, they want to educate fools, and take it from this fool, the single moms with a two-ton drinking problem have come up with a foolproof wine education program…and now, vinofiction readers have a chance at benefiting from it.

For a brief time only—about twenty-five minutes—PPP offers my readers a chance to gain their highest-level wine education certificate.

Yes indeed, my readers have a chance at bypassing levels 1 through 4, which cover such mundane topics as grape growing, wine production, grape variety identification, sensory analysis, and winemaking as well as wine marketing to skip right straight through to the real meat of the program, the Pusillanimous Wine Professional Level 5 certificate (PWP5), the one that guarantees the world of your vacuous credentials as a talker rather than a doer.

You won’t have to memorize dates, smells, vintages, names, or even alcohol levels. Plus, to enter this contest you don’t have to hold either a WSET, MS, or MW, but it helps to hold very high self-regard, even if you are a fool—especially if you are a fool.

To enter this contest all you have to do is be the 53rd person to comment on this blog entry. Using fewer than 140 characters, tell us all that you know about wine.

Your entry will be printed out and dumped with other entries into a large red hat with a feather boa that sits on the table where the drunken ladies meet. The first lady who manages to grab an entry, and can focus her eyes enough to read it aloud, will pick the winner.

Fool that you are, you probably already have thought that to win this contest all you’ll have to do is wait until the 52nd comment is made and then dump your vanity on us. But think about this: right now, hundreds of people have read this blog entry (maybe thousands). Surely only one or two readers are smart enough to fully comprehend its contents. The rest are already clamoring to show what fools we mortals be, so hitting the 53rd comment mark will be quite random with high odds against you, and that means that only a lucky fool can win. Are you that lucky fool?
Disclaimer: I have absolutely no affiliation with PPP, although I do hold a PWP5 which I gained fair and square. In addition, I have received no compensation from PPP to post this contest and promote their brand, unless you count the check and two cases of wine PPP sent me for the wallboard work I did to remodel their ugly office, which was in fact a truly ostentatious living room of one of the ladies whose ex-husband had no taste.
Copyright Thomas Pellechia
March 2011. All rights reserved.

Lifting a blog entry without the author's permission (and without recompense) is a copyright infringement--period.

13 comments:

Samantha Dugan said...

Well. I'm unlucky in love and absolutely foolish....close enough?! As for what I know about wine...fuck all.

King Krak, I Sense Victory said...

This is trickier than it looks, because you have to go through and figure out how many previous commenters there are. So, after you've done that, and you think you might be able to win this, and claim the Prize of being able to always have MW after your name (like it's some disease), what about guys, like, um, me, who use a variety of names when making comments?! Bwahhahaa. Only the Great Thomas will be able to view the IP addresses to truly determine who has won this grand and noble prize and who will always remain a wannabee and never, ever be hired by a prestigious British wine publication. Dude, EVER.

King Krak, I Rule the Game said...

You also have to count characters in each and every comment, as any comment with more than 140 characters is twittered out. Personal note: I keep wondering if readers of British wine publications will ever notice that most of the writers in said publications (which almost always have an MW after their name, repeated every single time they are ever mentioned, because a not doing so would tilt Earth off its axis) seem quite boring when they write about wine. Almost like a bottle of Claret is stuck in their butt and there's nothing they can do about it. (Hint to those diligently counting: This one's over 140 characters, so drink a Ribolla tonight.)

Arthur said...

Are "grape variety identification, sensory analysis" elements of the WSET curriculum?

Thomas said...

Thus far, I've got four out of 140 characters commenting--three, if you don't count the double King Krak.

Oh wait: that's not the characters I meant...

Sam, when will you offer a contest on your blog? You are falling behind.

Quite evident to me that wine blogs are gasping now.

Vinogirl said...

Love it!

Thomas said...

...knew that you would, Vinogirl.

Henrik said...

One week guidede winetour in Finger Lakes - and I am in....

;)

Thomas said...

Sorry, Henrik. We already have a winner. I'll be interviewing the winner next week--stay tuned.

Samantha Dugan said...

did I win???

Thomas said...

Sam,

The winner is a Mr. Perciville Bombast, whom I intend to interview someday--as soon as I feel up to another blog entry.

One more week of radiation--am a little fatigued right now.

Last night, I was given a local wine industry award from the NY Wine and Grape Foundation at a "Unity Dinner."

Henrik said...

Well done with the award. What did you do for since the gave you an award? Let me guess - you won a blogging competition - blogger of the year in Finger Lakes.... :)

Take care of yourself, Thomas....

/Henrik

Thomas said...

Henrik,

This is how the award was explained at the dinner:

"...for conspicuous good taste, bravery in the heat of battle, and consumption of lots of NY wine….(but always with style)."